Going for It

Rudy Ruettiger. Anthony Novielli. What do these names have in common? Both tried to achieve a goal that no one thought would be possible (although the former sold the movie rights to his life for a lot more than the latter makes at his current summer job). One of these athletes also made a team that he had always dreamt of making, while the other is still in the process of trying to make his. Want to guess which one hasn’t reached his dream yet? Yeah, that one’s a no-brainer. It’s me, Anthony Novielli. Over the last six months, I’ve been skating with the Mississauga Chargers Junior A hockey club with hopes of making the team. Now, for your average AA or AAA hockey player, this isn’t that big of a deal. If they don’t make one team, they’re bound to find another one. Me, on the other hand, I’m a 19 year old university student who played my last season in Juvenile Select fighting for a spot on a team against many young, talented and ambitious players.

Now, Illustrious would be the last word that anyone would use to describe my hockey career. It’s been filled with many ups and downs along the way. I have learned a lot, and most importantly developed an even stronger bond with the game of hockey than I ever thought possible, a bond I wouldn’t trade for the world. But tomorrow night begins what is quite possibly my last kick at the can in terms of how far I go with my hockey career. The Mississauga Chargers’ main camp is something that I hoped to get invited to last year, but didn’t. Coming into rookie camp this year, I knew I needed to make an impression. After a decent showing, I was invited to main camp. Throughout the summer I have been skating with the team, in hopes of impressing the management staff so that a player card would be offered to me.

Knowing that I needed to further improve my game, I started attending a gym at the beginning of June, running twice a week with one of my closest friends, and most importantly tried to practice living a healthy lifestyle. At the end of this endeavour, if the hockey aspect fails, I know that I can take away the fact that I am in better shape and healthier then I have ever been. There is always good to be found in any bad situation, and I am learning that you just have to look for it.

All this summer’s work has brought me to this day: August 15, 2010. I sit here writing to you the day before the start of main camp. It’s hard to explain all the emotions I am experiencing right now. On one hand, I am excited to start camp because I can finally put an end to all of the suspense concerning whether or not I will make the team. On the other, there is a part of me that doesn’t want camp to start simply because it means that if I don’t make it this time, I will be too old: my hopes of playing junior just a memory.

Now let’s get one thing straight here. I am not writing this for people to sympathize with me, or to turn this story into some huge production. I am doing this to prove to myself that I am a good hockey player, and to collect and share my thoughts with those in a similar situation. With the exception of my close friends, there are a lot of people who hear my name and think, “Oh him, yeah he’s awful.” And you know what, there’s nothing wrong with that. What motivates me is the idea that one day those same people will be able to look down a roster sheet, see my name on it, and think to themselves, “Maybe, just maybe, we were wrong.” I know that I shouldn’t care about what other people say and think, but I do. I believe that deep down, we all do. The thing is, if I was doing this solely for the reactions of other people, then I know that I truly don’t deserve to make the team. But I know that I am doing this for me. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror in a few weeks’ time, smile and shout out a giant “Yes!” I want to have that tingling feeling in my stomach, knowing that I accomplished something that truly matters to me. Even typing this, I am fantasizing about the GM sitting down with me and saying, “Congratulations, you are now a member of the Mississauga Chargers.” I can’t even begin to tell you how I would react. I legitimately believe that I could cry: that’s how important making this team is to me.

Someone once told me “You only have one chance to do something. All those times you think you’re missing something with your friends, you’re not. Sacrifice now for something greater later. Laugh if you want, but 99.9% of your friends would do anything to have the opportunity that you have. You have your foot in the door right now. Do everything you have to do to give yourself the best opportunity.” This quote could not have struck a nerve any harder. Something had awakened in me, and let me tell you, that feeling is not going away for a second over the next two weeks. I am ready to make an impression and make it next to impossible for the management staff to turn me away.

Yet at the end of the day, the way I see it is simple: I’m just a boy who refuses to let go of his dreams. A boy who would sacrifice his own semi-formal for a Single-A playoff game. A boy who has never grown up and needs to prove to himself that he can attain something he truly desires if he works for it. Again, I am not looking for sympathy; I just needed to put into words how I feel, 24 hours away from the biggest tryout of my life. I will let you know how everything pans out in the end, and for anyone reading this that may find themselves in the same position, just know that there’s someone else out there who knows exactly how you’re feeling. It’s something that you can’t put into words, can’t rationalize. The only thing that you know is that you refuse to let anyone other than yourself keep you from playing the game you love.